There are several different types of break ups, and understanding them is vital for protecting your relationship from them, or if it’s too late for that, for dealing with them. Here’s my guide to the different types of break ups, so armed with enough knowledge, you can defend yourself against them…
1. The Mutual Break Up
This is where both partners agree mutually to terminate the relationship. It’s usually when all feelings have died or when one partner undergoes a major life change, such as a new job far away and can’t seem to stay in a long distance relationship. This sounds like the least painful break up but most people still feel a sense of loss. Even if you don’t love them anymore, you might still find yourself missing them. Depending on how long you’ve been together, you might find yourself doing things “their way,” and expecting them home at certain times or going to restaurants that the two of you went to etc. Allow yourself time to grieve, and don’t rush to move on.
2. The Abusive Relationship Break Up
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An abusive boyfriend/husband is a definite sign that it’s time to breakup. While this kind of break up is necessary, it often feels even more painful than a normal break up. It can be hard for family and friends to understand why you still miss and probably love someone who has abused you but it’s extremely hard to fight these feelings. You might find yourself wanting to call them or meet up. This is a bad idea, as it gives the person control over you again. Instead, take some time off and mourn for a few days. Then throw yourself into your life, as keeping yourself distracted is a good way to forget how much you miss them. If you were the abusive partner, keep yourself out of relationships for a while and think about what made you act the way you did. Discussing your feelings with a therapist or getting anger management might be a good step and stay out of relationships until you recover.
3. He Left You
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This has the added pain of being a shock, which leaves you no time to prepare. If you’ve been broken up with, write down his number and hide it somewhere out of the way. Then delete it from your phone, so you aren’t tempted to call him. Have one day of mourning, with ice cream and sad films and as much crying as you like and then focus on moving on. Sign up for a new class, have a night with the girls… anything that will distract you and help you to move on. When you are feeling more balanced, you can contact him to ask why if you don’t already know. If the problem is fixable, suggest a meet up, but try not to get your hopes up. If the meeting doesn’t go as planned, it’s time to get over him and move on!
4. You Left Him
So you’ve considered it for a long time and finally decided to break up. You told him and felt terrible and now you’ve realized what you’ve let go of. The most important thing is that you know what you want. If you aren’t completely sure, leave him alone while you gather your thoughts. Do you want him back just because you miss having a boyfriend or do you actually miss him? Just remember that many people regret break ups right after and usually it’s just a phase. But if your phase doesn’t pass, contact him and ask to meet. Explain why you broke up with him and try to find solutions to the problems. If you manage this, then talk about getting back together. If you can’t find a way to fix the issues, the relationship will just crumble again and cause more heartache
Break ups are hard to deal with even if you were the one to cause it. Remember that you have to give yourself time to heal and overcome the breakup but don’t wallow. If you feel seriously sad, or unmotivated, discuss your feelings with a doctor who may be able to recommend medication or a therapist. It’s normal to feel hurt, but most people bounce back fine and even become stronger in the process. Do you know another relationship type, or a tip to deal with one? Please let me know!