Forced into a locked studio booth Rihanna is told through the speakers: From here you will immediately enter a Twitter rehab for a year where you will receive counseling as well as write apology letters to Karrueche Tran, Teyana Taylor and your publicist for all the cyber bullying you’ve done. Upon returning home, you will fire your friends, yes-men and stylist and have no further contact with them or the director of “Pour It Up.” You will also enroll in vocal lessons and a dance/squat class alongside Mylie Cyrus. The video section of your Instagram has been permanently disabled and any attempt to reinstate it will result in you betting 9 million dollars on yourself in a fight between you and Teyana Taylor.
After waking up to find the severed head of a stuffed bear laying next to her, Miley rushes out of bed and steps onto a rope that snags her ankle and hoists her into the air upside down. A voice comes from the shadow and says: All of your black and Latino “friends” will be picked off by snipers hired by Paula Patton if they ever come near you again. Your father’s homes and vehicles have been laced with explosives designed to go off if you ever perform or mention the word twerk. For the next eight months you will be going to the gym twice a day where you will take Modern and Jazz dance classes and perform 500 squats between each class. If you have not grown some form of an ass when it’s over, you will be kneecapped and sent back to Disney to play “Wheelchair Jenny” in a new version of Degrassi.
You will be sent to rehab. And NEVER LET OUT.
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5 Celebrities Olivia Pope’s Dad Rowan Should Help [OPINION] was originally published on theurbandaily.com