No, I haven’t been brainwashed into thinking a relaxer is “creamy crack,” or that we should all go back to our original state of hair. Some people look like damn fools with natural hair and I applaud them for recognizing it and getting a sew-in. But….some of our favorite celebs obviously haven’t realized how stupid their hair looks. If a weave looks that bad, their natural hair can’t be any worse. So….
The #WordEyeHeard Presents: Top Five Women Who Should Go Natural
5. Shay “Buckeey” Johnson
This reality tv show
star cast member has been dumped by Flavor Flav, and more recently, Lil Scrappy. She kissed both in the mouth, and both threw her away when they were done with her.
But can you blame them? Both of the women Shay was dumped for had a better weave. New York was ugly, but her hair was beautiful. And I think we can all agree that Scrappy’s baby mama (and now fiance) Erica was much prettier. Never saw her hair look bad.
Buckeey (who I refuse to call Shay) has not only played herself by thirsting over unattractive, irrelevant men, but she’s played herself by allowing this atrocity to be placed on her scalp. I saw her in Atlanta after LHHATL was done taping, and she had another 27-piece in her head.
The sides of her head were shaved, and she piled a bunch of curly blonde bullshit on the top.
And at the LHHATL reunion, she attempted to grow up her image, and it backfired. Shay wound up looking like a cartoon character.
As a matter of fact…
Yup, that’s about right.
Buckeey, you need to go natural, because whatever is underneath this 27-piece of legs, thighs, and Thoroughbred can’t be any worse.
Unless Brandy was born in the 70′s, the above image is unacceptable.
In the 90′s, Brandy had an explosive music career, television show…even a Barbie! She was up on all the trends, as well as starting her own. You know you had the “Brandy braids.”
But somewhere between Ray J’s sex tape and that reality tv show, Brandy’s hair started looking suspect. So did her eyebrows, but that’s another post.
Perhaps the fact that her eyebrows touched her hairline made us realize how bad her weaves had gotten. Brandy, you have your own line of WEAVE; why does your hair look like this???
Everything about Brandy had just become…old-looking. Don’t you realize that as a woman, your hair is an extension of who you are? It’s not like you can’t afford a hair stylist; so why in the hell do you look like somebody’s auntie??
Brandy, our ancestors did not march, stage sit-ins, and get hosed for you to acquire millions of dollars and get out the bed and not do your hair.
Brandy, you need to go natural because those wigs look like years of oppression, anger, and anxiety. You look like “Suge just like honey, me like a bee.” You look like “all my life I had to FIGHT!” You look like “if you’re really a prince, I’ll marry you!” You look like “Go on hunnie, take a CHANCE!”
And do something with those God-awful eyebrows.
3. Lil Kim
Where do I even start….
They shoulda never gave you ninjas money! No…they should never gave you ninjas with LOW SELF-ESTEEM money. This is what happens when lack of confidence meets the hair store.
Lil Kim been lookin like Zsa Zsa Gabor since she got out of jail, and this cheap ass hair doesn’t make it any better!
As a celebrity, women are expected to always be at their best. And hair is a big part of this. So I understand that weave may be necessary, but isn’t it supposed to look good?
What is with you and these BABY HAIRS!?!?!? Lookin like R. Kelly’s ex-wife…
Kim, I admire your courage to be creative, but you miss much more than you hit. There is no reason for any grown ass woman to look like Shemar Moore inDiary of a Mad Black Woman.
Kim, do you know why Jesus wept??
You need to go natural because you were made in God’s image, and you ain’t never seen Jesus with no cornrows.
2. Missy Elliot
Before I start….I’m so glad Missy’s back! She just dropped two hot singles and I can’t wait for her album!
Now that we got that out of the way…..
Missy, this asymmetrical hair you’ve been rockin since the “Hot Boyz” video has GOT to stop.
It wasn’t cool in the 90′s; we just let you slip because we love you. But you spent that entire video wiping that ridiculous hair out of your face.
And why is hair always either covering your entire left side or entire right side? Missy, do you have low self-esteem? Show us your whole face so we know it’s real. Because piling the entire section of the Outre 32 inch on the right side of your head just isn’t going to fly anymore.
Missy, you need to go natural because you’re simply being greedy. You’re using so much weave for the right side of your head that you’re not leaving any for the rest of the respectable women who enjoy the occasional sew-in.
1. Naomi Campbell
I know it’s hard to look at, but we have to face the facts. When you wear so much weave for so long, your real hair hates you and magically falls out of your scalp from depression. Hair dies from a broken heart everyday.
Naomi Campbell is a supermodel, icon, legend….and she’s doesn’t have any edges.
Naomi, I respect you as a model, but that’s where it ends.
YOU NEED TO GO NATURAL.
Your selfishness has gone far enough! Don’t you know there are people who will never know the joys of having a real hairline, and the only reason you don’t have one is because you wore weave for too many years???
You need to go natural, for Lebron James,
For AJ from the Backstreet Boys,
and for every poor, desperate soul who had to do a Hair Club for Men commercial!
Let this be a lesson to you: Weave is okay, but in moderation.
Be careful, or you too will fall victim to the curse of no edges.
I’m lilD, and that’s the Word Eye Heard. Now comb your hair and love yourself.
Check out lilD’s #WordEyeHeard Radio Sat 9am-12/Sun 10am-1!
#WordEyeHeard Presents: Top 5 Women Who Should Go Natural was originally published on zhiphopcleveland.com