It’s that time of year again where your company thinks it’s a great idea to put the entire staff in a room filled with liquor and party music and expect everything to be completely normal. This is also known as the Holiday or Christmas party, and there will be many characters at said party. Here are six of them that probably deserve all the side-eyes. (And if you’re one of them, reel it in this year, please.)
1. The Mother
What would the holiday party be without The Mother to keep everyone in check? It would probably be more sloppy than it is now, to be honest. Just like at the office, where they sometimes confuse themselves for the manager, prepare to be bossed around at the holiday party by this person. On the upside, she is also the one making sure everyone gets in a cab and texts you to make sure you got home safe. So you take the good with the bad, you know?
2. The Unexpected Freaky Dancer
So you thought Brandy who works in accounting was just a quiet church girl who came in, did her work, and left the office while barely saying two words? You were wrong! The unexpected freaky dancer will remind you to never trust the quiet ones because they will always surprise you! The Mother will be all over the The Unexpected Freaky Dancer though, making sure her twerking doesn’t get too out of hand. This is of course to the disappointment of all the thirsty dudes watching at the party.
3. The Debby Downer
If you see this person, take to your heels! They don’t want to be at the party, they don’t understand how people can think this is fun, and the food is bad, and the music sucks and…you get the point. The Debby Downer’s job throughout the party is to judge everybody else’s good time while looking like they would actually rather be at work. #ByeDebby
4. Anonymous Creepy Dancer Guy
There’s always one guy who seizes the opportunity to hit on every girl on the dance floor. He has no concept of “leave room for Jesus” when dancing with your co-workers. Even The Unexpected Freaky Dancer keeps her distance because this guy is putting his hands in places that only your man should put them. But more importantly, you won’t be able to figure out which department this guy works. Does he even work here?!
5. The Emotional Drunk
Oh Lordt. Why is there always one coworker who can’t handle their liquor? And why will they start to pour out their personal life drama to anyone who’ll listen? The emotional drunk is not even two drinks in, and they’re already headed to the restroom to go and cry. But be patient with them, after the third drink, they will tell you an office secret that will make their emotional drunkenness tolerable.
But do you know the person who is actually taking all the notes on all the above? The same person who is always taking notes on everyone – the office gossip and now, the holiday party office gossip. Rest assured that the gossip will maintain his or her sobriety so that they can be clear on all the details of the party that will be told at lunchtime next week. So while you’re trying to have fun and reward yourself for a long, hard year, don’t have too much fun, lest you become the topic of discussion of your company’s very own TMZ reporter.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
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