Break ups are hard work, but sometimes, it’s not the initial shock thats the worst part. It’s when you start to miss the way he did something, or how he turned up with roses, or when you realize no one else might want you. If the relationship was bad, you shouldn’t be in it, so here’s a list of 7 ways to leave a bad relationship alone.
1. Single Scares?
One of the most popular reasons for staying in a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore is due to the fear of being single. It’s hard to leave the safety net you’ve got, and see that you are better off on your own. Think about all the extra time you have with your friends and family now, who actually make you happy and don’t emotionally drain you. Then make the break!
2. Bad Advice
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If you are feeling confused and upset, everyone will offer advice. Some of this won’t be right, though, and could lead you to stay in a damaging relationship. For example, your mum or gran might be thinking about grand children, or the risk of you finding someone they don’t like, or someone worse. They might even be thinking that it’s better the devil you know. They aren’t feeling what you are, though, so make sure you think through any advice and if you see enough signs to breakup, do it!
3. Good advice?
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The opposite side of this can be true, too, though. One of my best friends found herself unhappy in her relationship a year after it started, but she couldn’t understand why. She changed herself, being quiet and miserable, and when she finally told us how unhappy she was, we all told her to leave. She felt so vulnerable that she hated being told what to do, and decided to resist our advice and stay with him anyway. Looking back, we should have talked to her about what she wanted, and her options, rather than giving more advice to an already confused woman. If you are being given advice, think it through or share it with someone unconnected to the situation rather than just resisting it.
4. Old Memories
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When you’re feeling unhappy, but are scared of change, it’s easy to remember all the good things about him. How sweetly he planned romantic dates, how he always bought things for you when he was away on a trip, how he never forgot your birthday or anniversary etc. But while the old him might have been amazing, the new him isn’t pulling his weight and that’s just not good enough. Put all the things that remind you of your good memories away somewhere, and focus on what your relationship is like now. Trying to convince yourself that it will get better will just make it harder to walk away.
5. Second Chance
I was really surprised to see how many women give ‘second chances’ in their heads. Remembering all of the things you used to do together can cause you to think that you’ve changed too, and make you blame yourself. While cooking him his favourite food and arranging fun days out may cause a very temporary change, you’ll be creating a fake relationship. You shouldn’t be putting all the effort in.
6. Charm Offensive
So you managed to leave, but he wants you back. Chocolates, flowers, text messages, voicemails…it seems you can’t escape him, and it makes it hurt so much more. He’s probably promising to try harder, to make it work, and telling you that he loves you. Remember that this is a standard reaction to losing someone you have feelings for, and that if you get back with him, he won’t change. If he couldn’t recognize your unhappiness and make it better before you ended it, why would he try now? Block his number, and spend time with friends and family while you heal.
7. Missing Him
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The bed suddenly seems big and cold, you don’t need Sky Sports anymore and his food is still in the fridge. Anything could make you miss him, from a joke you shared, to a programme you watched together, to things he did that annoyed you. Give your home a small revamp and remove all traces of him, so you aren’t constantly reminded of him. Then keep yourself busy, and remember that missing him is part of the healing process and that’s how you will bounce back from a breakup.
Break ups can be cruel, but the best way to deal with them is to look at them as a new start. If you can, give yourself and your home an update, and make yourself feel good. Make time for the people and things that you neglected before, and discover who you are again. And make sure you keep smiling! Do you have a tip on leaving a bad relationship? Please share it with me!
Top Photo Credit: Carrie Taylor
